you are fast asleep in your crib, with your face mashed up against the mesh bumpers that were so necessary for you. i try to put off buying yet ANOTHER baby product because i think it’s all a scheme to get us eager-beaver first-time mamas to buy everything but sometimes, things are truly necessary or at least very helpful.
i’ve been meaning to write more about how you change daily but i have to confess that i haven’t been keeping up. i get more tired these days as you grow. you’ve always been a good sleeper so that’s not why. i just feel wearier. maybe because i no longer even try to workout at night, at least for the last month or so, ever since you started to reject the bottle of expressed milk your papi tried to give you as your final meal before bedtime. that was usually when i would try to go to the gym but now you demand mama 100% of the time.
i’m rambling now. i just want to capture some moments on this here blog because some moments will forever be gone. your papi tries to remind me that as sad as i am to see that your chubby baby feet are starting to look more childlike than tofu newbornlike, we will have future moments to cherish, like when you start talking and saying the durndest things or when your papi throws you a ball or when you are in school plays (only if you want to!) and look out for us in the audience. but as your mama, i can’t believe that some of your baby moments are FOREVER gone. for instance, you used to purse your lips into a small, tight little “o” when you were brand new but now you are SO over that – “C’mon mom, that is SO 2010!” when i first brought you home from the hospital, you were a pink, nekked molerat, earnestly trying to suckle at my breast. your eyes were shut tight, just trying your hardest to get some meat on your 6 lb. frame, getting adjusted to this crazy new world outside of mama, not yet resembling a chubby, bouncing baby. now, you are my big hamhock, my sea bass, wide and gurgly, complete with baby pecs and succulent thighs, fat wrists, staring right at me as you nurse. you love to play with your feet in the happy baby yoga pose. your favorite thing is ceilings. you’re shy around other babies and you sometimes sigh like you have a lot on your mind. when we’re with a lotta babies, you sometimes want me to lay you down apart from the chaos so that you can crack up all by yourself. you like to smile in the presence of men who talk very seriously without paying you any mind.
sometimes, i get obsessed with chronicling your every move, your every change. i realized i was doing this when i overly stressed about which fancy camera we should upgrade to. your perceptive papi noticed that i was getting really riled up and finally tears spilled out as i spit out, “Look, maybe it’s not even about the camera. i’m just freaking out that we’re losing precious moments. i want to capture EVERYTHING because he’s growing SO fast and i feel like i’m the designated family historian! i mean damn, LOOK AT HIS FEET! they’re soon not going to be baby feet and he’s gonna lose his fat thighs and he’s not gonna want to be held by me forever! then he’s gonna ask me to drop him off at the mall without getting out of the car in front of his friends!”
when it was a rainy day last week, we stayed indoors for shelter, foregoing all activities and playgroups. i turned on some music and slowdanced with you, cheek-to-cheek, with your tiny, sweaty fist gripping my finger. when i spun you around, you smiled even bigger and you babbled with glee. you are now hefty in my arms and you will only get bigger until you (hopefully) tower over me. of COURSE i want you to grow up, strong and healthy. it would be a travesty if you stayed your size forever yet i want to freeze you at your current stage while you are still my baby who beams at me with your gummy smile, peering into my eyes without looking away even for a moment, then spilling all your milk out because i make you smile WIDE just by calling out your name. around your fifth month, you became smilier than ever and it’s been so delicious that it actually makes my heart ache.
when you are about to fall into a deep sleep, you usually have to shake your head from side to side – fast and furious. this helps you settle into sleep. you like to kick a lot and tap your feet. you’re big enough now that when you sock me or papi, it kinda hurts. you discovered your ears a while back and you can’t believe these things exist right on your very own head so you twist and grab them, giving them a hard time (also a sign of teething). you like to sing along, with the Easter song and “God is so Good” being your favorites. Your nemeses: the wind, toilet flushing loudly in public restrooms, the hand dryer in public restrooms, the food processor, the bright sun directly on your face, my sneezes, my sudden loud laugh. and cold lotion, too, lately. you actually gasp and shudder.
you are SO over the swing but you love the jumperoo. you had your first “solid” – we gave you rice cereal on mother’s day and you seem to like it. you don’t have any teeth yet but you love to roll over, esp. from your back onto your tummy. whoa, it’s past midnight so i should go to bed now. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME A MAMA!
(we have since gotten you a nice high chair and plastic bowls – this was just our first time)