Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o-o-o-o.
Fee, fie, fiddle-e-i-o.
Strummin’ on the old banjo!

Nearly 1 am. Can’t sleep though I’m sick and I need to. Children’s songs stuck in my head as usual. Fee Fie, fiddle-e-i-o. Rainy Sunday. Slept a lot during the day thankfully. Micah first got sick a few days ago after hanging with some babies who were just getting over a cold, then I nibbled on him as usual so I started coming down with the type of mohmsahl that makes your skin hurt at the slightest touch, like when the blanket dares to brush against you. When I get sick, I turn into a big baby. I wanted to tie my head with a white band like in Korean dramas, just for full effect. “MAMA SICK!”

Thirty years ago today, my family and I were on a plane from Seoul to Los Angeles. My bro was so small we didn’t have to buy him a seat, I think. I was super-excited because I loved anything new. I didn’t even cry when my grandparents were holding me and sobbing because we were going so far away. Thought we were staying for about three years but ending up settling here for good. Didn’t return for TEN years due to different circumstances. My grandparents must’ve had a feeling that would happen. Ten years later, my brother and I return speaking so much English with each other, without a hint of the little girl and baby we were on that day at the airport.

Maybe I can’t sleep because everything’s happening so fast, at least in my mind on this very rainy day? I’m much older than my mama was with her two kids, immigrating to the States, with no friends and family, just her domineering husband and us. My chubster, no-necked baby with cheeks about to explode is now thinning out with a neck and urrrthang, looking like a big boy, especially in polo t-shirts and jeans. I can envision him being a big bro sooner than later since he seems like a toddler at 8.5 months. One of my best friends getting married in a few months after many phone calls and emails about who the Lord would provide for her and when exactly PLEASE? Micah’s dol coming up so soon already. Sweet friend moving away to Philly after being such a great gift to me in NYC.

My mama on the redeye from LAX to JFK in about an hour, not having seen her only grandchild for about five months now, more than half his young life. Sure, it’s not ten years but it’s still been hard not being near my family. Remembering how I gave birth and had my skinny newborn boy in his bassinet as his CA grandparents flew in to see him, days after his arrival. Was weird that he was already born and as they walked in the door, I just lost it. Crying as they sort of laughed at me, then immediately passing me by to go to their tiny grandbaby, to pray over him. He was skin and bones back then.

I better try to get some sleep now – head hurts, skin still hurts a bit. Thank you Lord for watching over us for the past 30 years. May my son live MUCH closer to me when he grows up – pretty please?

Here is Micah about five months ago when CA Gramma was here:

Micah about five months later as CA Gramma returns: