I dreamt last night that I had committed a crime so huge that the government was going to bury me alive. And I had not watched any “Homeland” before going to bed (we are two episodes behind and I don’t itch to watch it as much this second season). It was very vivid and the parts I remember were of how I was going to succumb to my government-issued fate but at the last minute, as the government-issued towncar drove me to proceed with my inhumane death, I panicked and said I could NOT just accept this buried alive business.

I remember the panic and sheer horror and telling my mom who suddenly materialized in that black towncar, that I couldn’t go through with it and that I had to be on the run. At first, she looked so glum and so resigned to my fate, muttering, “What can we do?” (I may have been handcuffed, both wrists and ankles), but at the last second, she went on the run with me. I told her to run as fast as she could and to knock things down as she ran so that the government couldn’t snare me.

I woke up clammy with a thin layer of sweat covering me under my too warm pajamas in our bedroom that is sometimes overheated when winter temps hit. It took a few moments for me to realize that in real life, I was alive and well, and not on my way to get buried alive. Ellis had been uncharacteristically fussy yesterday so he was sleeping in our bed after some acrobatics, all warm and milky, and touching his face comforted me back to reality.

Then, on this cold Monday morning, after dropping off Micah at school, I procured a parking spot, paid for that spot for two hours, went to the passenger seat to grab my jacket and baby carrier before going around to Ellis’ carseat to retrieve him and place him in my carrier. I heard a loud sound and realized that sound was my body being hit by a car.

I am okay, as of now, with only slight aches throughout my back, shoulders, neck and Ellis was NOT AFFECTED AT ALL, but I am very shaken up and weepy. That’s it for now. I thought maybe writing it down and sharing, even just that much may help with the shakes.