Today, Christmas Eve Eve, was the kids’ last day of school before six days off for their winter break. It was also Kevin’s first day of vacation from work. I will also be home the whole time. We’ll all be taking next week off together to do or not do whatever we want.
I attended Micah’s class party in the morning. Kevin and I then had about three hours together without the kids. I hadn’t heard of any movies that I was dying to watch but I saw that a “Manchester By the Sea” was getting rave reviews. Kevin warned me that he had heard that it was overly depressing but when I looked up the synopsis, I said, “Excuse me? Do you not know me? This movie is my soulmate. It has everything I’m drawn to.”
No spoilers. It was a story about a family. And that’s my jam. I love getting a glimpse of family dynamics beneath the surface. Speaking of beneath the surface, I’ve been able to bask in the holidays this year. When the boys were younger, I would feel such holiday angst and an overload of emotions I didn’t know how to channel: Memories of how my parents had to work so much they could not prioritize celebration and how I wanted to rewrite that story but not feeling equipped to do so.
I don’t know exactly how but this year, I am able to fully embrace this Christmas season and it feels downright magical, with gratitude oozing out of my 40 year-old pores. Nothing feels like pressure. Everything feels like a privilege. Unlike my immigrant parents whose peak season as storeowners was the holidays, we are blessed with more than a week of luxuriating in free time together, neither of us having to run ragged at any store, with our only “job” being relaxing and enjoying (and maybe some cleaning).
Halleluyer for this breakthrough. Thank you, God, for new traditions and just plain enjoyment.
And…while not the only reason for my holiday inner makeover, I would like to take a moment to share our Christmas joy.
Early morning of my 40th birthday, while the rest of my family slept, I walked over to the CVS across the street, calmly made a single purchase, took that purchase to my gym bathroom, ironically, for some privacy. I was there to confirm what I knew in my gut.
Pregnant for the third time after about two years of Should We or Shouldn’t We Go For It (Of COURSE We Cannot, It Would Be Crazy, Right?). Actually, we are the biggest fans of NBC’s “This Is Us” and I just wanted our children to be able to do the Big Three chant.
While it was a completely natural conception, the story of this baby’s creation is supernatural. I hope to share more in 2017. And I don’t believe in TMI.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Wishing you the best for 2017. (And if the holidays are tough for you to navigate, you are not alone. You are loved.)