1.13.17 Friday the 13th Fragments

Here’s some more alliteration for you:  Currently fighting phlegm, a recurring symptom for all three of my pregnancies.  I don’t want to take Mucinex though I believe the doctor told me it was safe to take back in 2012.  I am constantly clearing my throat and no amount of hot red tea is helping.  I’m sick of hearing myself clear my throat.

This is not a Pollyanna addendum: Like I’ve mentioned before, no amount of phlegm choking me out, new skin tags on my neck this time ’round, slowly morphing into the shape of modest starter home, nausea even in this golden second trimester, and itchy sphincter can diminish my awe of this miracle of life.  I never ever forget that the REASON I feel so gross is because a sweet potato-sized human being is being created within me.

(And I know I said I want to avoid talking about Our Baby #3 Story in light of friends’ recent losses and pain but I realized that I can’t avoid talking about our current stage altogether especially when I have a free moment and a hankering to write.  My apologies.)

I’ve had a few funny reactions as I’ve started to share my news with co-workers:

  1.  “Yeah, I was noticing you were gaining weight but didn’t want to say anything.”  (I wish you had stuck to that brilliant “didn’t want to say anything” initial thought).
  2. “Yeah, I could tell.  If you didn’t speak up soon, I would have asked you, ‘Is everything ok, Jihee?  You having too many bagels there?'”
  3. As he was telling me about employee discounts:  “Oh, Jihee, there’s also a Weight Watchers discount!” (Thankfully, two female co-workers gave him the side-eye immediately and told him to hush).
  4. After I shared that we are very excited but also scared sometimes:  “How old are you?”  “Uh, yes, I will be an older mom.”  “Yes, that’s why I ask.  That’s the only part I could see as something to be scared about.”

People!  I know your intentions are not malicious but just think these things, don’t actually SAY them with that opening in your face!  I may be inviting some of these reactions as I feel too sheepish to only share the happy news.  I have this Joy Luck Club compulsion to add, “Oh, but it’s gonna be so hard!” so that it doesn’t seem like I’m bragging or naive.

Once, I remarked when Micah was an infant that he was getting so heavy it was hard for me to lift him with ease.  My mom told me (in Korean), “Don’t be saying that out loud.  It can be taken as bragging.  Back in the old days, people believed that your baby can get sick once you boasted about how good and fat he was getting.”  My parents also told me not to share happy things with people because it can make them want to yank you off your Cloud Nine.

I noticed that it’s very easy for me to share my struggles as that makes it easier to connect with people.  Once you share happy things, I fear that people might think, “Well, congrats, bitch!  La dee dah!”

So sharing happy thangs does not come naturally to me.  I want to reclaim this.  I am a Christian.  I don’t need to fear the evil eye.  I don’t want to fear sharing happy things so here it goes:

It’s going to be hard, and just as my co-worker commented, age will be a factor as we are objectively older and more worn out.  But as of now, on this Friday the 13th, we feel like we won the lottery for the third time.  And I can share this.

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