“Jesus Christ”

Had so many things to write down from our trip back home to LA but if they don’t get typed out right quick, hard to capture the essence of the memories. So many pictures still on our camera. Hope to write about them eventually but not holding my breath especially with my recent bout of drowsiness and lethargy. We in Third Trimester Territory now!

A big entry like “LA Trip” is too daunting to write up during a half-hour break but thankfully, venting/tattling flows freely from me like water.

Micah has been to LA three times now. First trip at 11 weeks old after the seven snowstorms in NYC made mama pack up the family and flee. Second trip at around 13.5 months old. Third trip was a few weeks ago at full-fledged toddler age of about 19 months old. Worst flight yet.

Early a.m. flight means he needs to nap while on the plane especially after we woke him up around 5 a.m. Hard to succumb to the much-needed nap due to sensory overload and no place to stretch out since he is still in our laps. We start paying for a seat once he turns two. We brought a bag full of distractions: snacks, toys, books, my phone, our tablet. We are all strapped in but we do not take off. For 90 minutes. Having to restrain him is brutal. He wants to walk up and down the aisles or at least have daddy take him around in his arms but he has to stay seated. We try to distract him with our bag of goodies but they aren’t too helpful. Kevin is exasperated trying to restrain him but I am so worried about getting lightheaded that I still manage to eat a boiled egg during this stressful time. (I am willing to share my bounty but Kevin is having too hard of a time to even think about eating. I eat his egg, too).

Even after we take off, it’s not pleasant. Micah is whining because…who knows why? He’s a toddler. I apologize to the passenger sitting next to me. “I’m sorry about this. It’s gonna be a long flight for all of us [nervous laughter]. It’s hard for us to hear, too.” She was from Brooklyn, young and hip. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m a nanny. I’m gonna sleep the whole way with my earplugs on.” Thank you Jesus. That brings a little relief during this whiny period. Speaking of Jesus…

There is a lovey dovey couple sitting in front of us. The dude is clearly whupped on the gal. They are kissing and smushed up against each other, nuzzling. Direct contrast from the harried, sweaty couple behind them – us. The “Fasten Your Seatbelts” sign keeps lighting up so we have to restrain Micah many times and he is protesting. I have a blanket around my neck, dry cereal all over my body, a few packets of snacks on and under my thighs, fake food toys under my butt. Kevin has crazy eyes under his glasses and whispers, “Ji-yah. It sounded like I was abusing him in the restroom. I’m so embarrassed. Micah screamed and peed all over me as I tried to change his diaper. I’m not gonna lie. If there was an eject button in there to jump out the plane with a parachute, I would not be here right now. I’m sorry to have to tell you.”

We both started laughing because Kevin sounded like me for once. He never complains but this time, he admitted that he would’ve abandoned us by choosing to fall from the sky instead of being where he was now. He started laughing some more when he saw just how much crap was strewn all over me.

“Que bin, I really can’t wait to do this next year with a newborn, too! Just imagine that for a moment.”

Oh, back to Jesus.

Micah started another round of whining as he wanted to nap but couldn’t get his bearings on this packed plane. The gal in front of us stops making out with her boyfriend to exhale dramatically and exclaim, “JESUS CHRIST!” when Micah got going again.

Oh no she didn’t. Did I hear right?

“JESUS CHRIST” again as she adjusted herself on her dude’s shoulders.

“Que bin, you KNOW I’mma have to fight her now!” My body grows hot.

“Ji-yah, don’t! She has every right to be annoyed. His whining is annoying, even to us.” He always play devil’s advocate. To offset my playing the devil.

“OH MY GOD. Of COURSE she has every right to be annoyed but she needs to be a decent, empathetic human and talk trash about us to her friends once we deplane, not passive-aggressively exclaim ‘Jesus Christ’ after each whine. That would be the courteous thing to do! We are doing everything we can and her ‘Jesus Christ’ is so wrong! As if we aren’t stressed enough!” (I start to passive-aggressively talk trash about her loudly, daring her to turn around and respond. Choice words about entitlement, not having enough balls to complain to our faces, and related matters.)

And speaking of my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. I never appreciated it when people used his name in substitution for a choice curse word. I would never do that to y’alls gods.

I thought about what would happen if I did tell her off especially in my agitated state. How the air marshall would have to get involved and how I may be banned from future flights. And I did want to return and present my newborn to my loved ones. So I held my tongue.

But when she went to the restroom, I was so tempted to tap her dude and say, “Psssst. Hey. You may think I’m just a crazy lady with a whiny toddler but one day you will recall my words. You may think you in love now with that skinny li’l gal but ohhhh trust me, someone who keeps loudly muttering ‘Jesus Christ’ about a whiny toddler lacks heart. NOT wifey material. You’re gonna want you a woman who maturely and patiently waits to vent until after the flight. I wish her many bad flights with triplet babies about ten years from now. But you. You can change your fate by letting her go.”

I smiled as I fantasized about being able to tell him that. Micah was in better spirits after a short cat nap on our laps. I took him back to the flight attendant area to explore and chat with them. I tattled on the “Jesus Christ” gal because tattling usually makes me feel better. They made him a balloon with their latex gloves. A beautiful mama of four kiddies, flying alone, joined us and presented Micah with a makeshift puppet she had made out of the vomit bag. Now that’s true wifey material.

Our flight back to NYC was just about perfect as it was in the afternoon. He was able to nap at the gate for about 90 minutes before we got on the plane. Many empty seats, too. No whining. No “Jesus Christ.”

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2 thoughts on ““Jesus Christ”

  1. LOL. I was waiting for the part where jihee tells the girl off and everyone on the plane is awkward for the rest of the ride. =) I’m glad to know it didn’t go that way!

    I’ll be honest – when I was younger, I had NO idea what raising a child was like, so I would just think “why can’t the parents control their kids?!” Maybe one day, when this girl is on an airplane with a toddler herself, she’ll be like “oh damn….this is tough” and remember this incident and feel bad. =P

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