“Best Dad Ever”

I have indigestion again.  Chehessuh.  Just as I started nursing a ginger ale, getting excited for my favorite time of day (Silent Night), I got banished from my favorite spot on our couch, from our family’s only TV.

Actually, I gave it up to the sons because one couldn’t find the iPad and was stomping around, looking for it everywhere around my body.  I resented having to get off my butt (again) to help look for it, to no avail, so I told him to just take over the TV instead.  I used to say we should never get a second TV to maximize family time.  Clearly, pre-COVID-19.

Once I finally get to sit on the couch, it’s so much harder to get up.  The laws of physics don’t lie:  an object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest WANTS TO STAY AT REST.

As I went upstairs, I realized that I had not been alone once since I woke up this morning.  My daily goal is to have some alone time during these 38 hour days but I forget.  Once the kids are finally in bed, I don’t even want to get up to pee.

Yet strangely enough, when I do get to zone out, I have a yearning for something else.

Maybe read a book, maybe call up a friend?  But that’s like showing up at someone’s door in 2020 (pre-pandemic) and I really only talk-talk regularly on the phone with one whole friend.  Definitely should do yoga, pray more, meal prep (blech!), meditate, lift weights, and so much more, but after a marathon day, I don’t want a “should” awaiting me.

This past Sunday was Father’s Day.  I ended up posting something onto Facebook, something I didn’t even know was on my heart, maybe to subconsciously rebel against the nearly identical highlight reels on “love” holidays like Father’s Day.  How can we all be married to “the best dad ever?”

I didn’t even want to shout Kevin out because everyone else had already posted about their hero, but then I thought why not share the sweet moments just for their sweetness?  What was the saying?  Don’t bite off the nose to spite the face?

So before I shared about Kevin, I ended up writing this:

6.21.20
Father’s Day is loaded because my own dad is alive and well(?) but it has been many years since he peaced out on our family.
I was going to pursue him just so he can meet his three year old granddaughter and I can see him before he ages even more but this pandemic hit and we could not see him after all.  And what a position for this very grown child to be in-to chase the parent.  I would love to be the one pursued.  Sucks.
And yes, Christians.  God as Father.  But it would be nice to have an *earthly* father who still wants to know me and my kids.  At least I’ve stopped crying when I watch shows or hear sermons about a dad casually waiting for his daughter in front of a cafe/classroom/mall/restaurant.  Okay, I might be fronting-I still spill some tears sometimes.
Anyways, I didn’t actually mean to thumbtype all of that while Kevin is enjoying his Father’s Day nap…but maybe my sharing might resonate with someone else?
My own kids have won the lottery to get Kevin as their dad.  Parenting kicks our butts daily and there is no one else I would want to talk trash about the kids with (in Korean) nightly.  In Korean because any of them could be listening while supposed to be ‘sleep.

 

This post received comments, not the easier Likes.  It even led to an unexpected private message which lead to a meaningful, personal conversation that I didn’t know I was craving.  It made me realize that as burnt out as I am from working and pandemic parenting aka parenting on steroids aka The Kids Are Always Home and Always Taking My TV, I need a creative outlet to express myself, not just the nightly goal of zoning out.  (And we also need to buy a second TV).

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s