Crazy Saves

I’ve been struggling due to a personal matter. I felt like I couldn’t handle one. more. thing. and dreaded the extra maintenance a rainy day requires when wrangling the kiddos outdoors.

After picking up Micah from school, I was strolling Ellis from our parking lot, carrying the boys’ stuff on the crooks of both arms and not bothering with an umbrella for myself because How? I also couldn’t use my left hand to grip the stroller because I had accidentally knifed myself while rushing to cut a carrot for our breakfast smoothie the other morning.

Micah hasn’t done this in ages but suddenly he starts crying and screaming, while I am trying to get us all home on this drizzly, dark afternoon. He starts begging me TO CARRY HIM HOME. When he did this a while back, a stranger had to help me get home.

He was pulling on my jacket as we crossed the busy street, blocking Ellis’ stroller so that I was forced to run into him. My body heat started to rise and I prayed silently for help. I was getting pissed.

After crossing the street, I paused to go down to his level, hold him in an embrace, and tell him, “I know you want Mommy to carry you. Sometimes you want me to show you how much I love you by carrying you but I just can’t right now. I’m sorry. Will you be my big boy and walk home for me?” I lost my balance and plunked my butt right into a puddle.

“Carry up! Carry up! Piggyback!?” He was not relenting.

Our three blocks home was going to be hell. Like I said, I was fragile this week and couldn’t stomach a meltdown. His or mine.

I suddenly remembered some advice I had heard ages ago.

Act crazy to throw a mugger off his game.

Reasoning wasn’t working and more rain could hit as the afternoon sky looked more like it was 11 pm out.

I raised my hands to the heavens and started hopping in place while bellowing, “CARRY UP! CARRY MOMMY UP!? SOMEONE HELP MOMMY? CARRY MEEEEEEEE! CARRY MEEEEE!” I started dancing to my own beat while cars drove by and the kids gazed up at me.

Micah paused for a beat. His face broke out into his Denzel mega-watt smile. He started cracking up. So did little E. So much that Mr. Pillow Cheeks started gasping for air while cackling away in his stroller, watching Hyung laughing and Mama actin’ a fool.

“Again, Mommy! Do that again!”

I know Crazy won’t always save the day but it did today.

our mom cray.

our mom cray.

photo (22)

Gush Hashanah – Gushing with Gratitude

I don’t know what it is about today.

The continuous wind and rain while safely tucked away at home (ours and a friend’s).

Keeping Micah home from school (his school does not close for the Jewish holidays).

The holiday feel in the air as many other schools have off for a four-day weekend and the temps slowly dropping.

I AM GUSHING WITH GRATITUDE. Different from those days where I have to WILL myself to be more grateful.

Here are some items from my Gratitude Gush:

1. Keeping Micah home from school.

I need to do this more often. After all, he is not yet four and this is only pre-Kindergarden. Something about the storm hitting and having him home with us for one of his best buddy’s birthday celebrations was so toasty and well, just plain good.

In between Micah helping me make our breakfast smoothies, Skyping with my parents, and jumping around with little bro and their stuffed animals, Micah still in his superhero pjs and Ellis in his dinosaur footed pjs, I would grab Micah and make him fall into my lap so that I can BLESS him.

I read one of the best pieces on a parenting skill called BLESSING our children, written by a missionary from our church, teaching the youth in Cebu, Philippines, with his wife and two kids (and one belly baby).

Here is the post by Rick Harner.

I didn’t get to read the post as closely as I need to but the spirit of the post has stayed with me all week.

I really want to INTENTIONALLY bless our kids, at the very least, WEEKLY, by staring deep into their still-innocent eyes and encouraging them very specifically. God knows how valuable this is as criticisms and curses stick to us so much more easily, at least for me.

Words have power.

I hadn’t quite thought out this first blessing session today but because my boy was home, I gathered his thin preschooler body into my lap and grabbed his face with both of my hands. I just went into default blessing mode, which always means I become Aibileen Clark from “The Help”:

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

Of course I wouldn’t straight copy. I customized it for Micah: “You is a good brother. You is compassionate. You is sensitive to others’ hurts. You is chak-heh.”

Yes, I gotta work on this blessing skill but how exciting that we can empower them with our words.

It was such a treat to have him home with us as the storm brewed outside.

2. Good lookin’ out, storm!

As of last night, the forecast declared that it would be 100% chance of rain, all day today, every hour, with rainfall of more than an inch. Our buddy ended up having to cancel his birthday party.

Today, despite the stronger downpour in the morning, we ended up being able to join Micah’s buddy’s “Plan B” celebration and the storm cooperated. Only light rain on the way there, then even lighter rain a few hours later when we were driving and strolling back. Even found parking right in front of her place on my first try!

Since it’s not driveway-to-driveway driving in these parts, I really appreciated the storm being gentle enough so that we could join our friends.

BEYOND grateful that we did not get drenched and rain-skurred for the next storm, though I know we won’t always be this lucky.

3. I love my girlfriends.

I love those moments when my chest puffs up with pride because I see my friend in action and I feel almost parental over them: “You see that gracious hostess who just keeps pouring out to her guests, she MY friend. She’s awesome, right? Yup, one of my close friends.” This is because I not only care about my girls but look up to them in SOME way.

4. I think this parenting thang does get easier in some ways.

I thought nothing of speed-changing these two wriggly worms so that we could rush out before the storm worsened. I packed everything up so fast and even threw our Strollerus Prime in the trunk as if it wasn’t no thang. It was the adrenalin from wanting to outrun the storm but it was one of these days I felt like, “Ah, no big deal. I can handle at least one mo’. You need me to lift a fridge or anything tonight?”

Gratitude Challenge Day One

I usually scowl at Facebook trends / chain letter taggin’ but am down with taking pause to share what I am particularly grateful for.

1. Having to learn patience. Over and over again. Lemme explain how I am learning to at least TRY to be grateful for this.

As I’ve mentioned on this blog in almost every post, Ellis and I have to “commute” to our parking space by strolling three blocks away, then drive about 12 minutes to pick up big bro Monday thru Friday. In traffic.

This week’s drive: Red lights galore. I thought I might end up on the news today when one red-lit left turn arrow done stayed red for almost three minutes straight with two blocks of cars waiting to turn left and with me trying to take deep breaths but feeling Incredible Hulky. I half-expected the likes of one Mr. John Quinones knocking on my window, like he about to sell me flower bouquets but instead saying, “Can you roll down your window, ma’am? This was a social experiment to test people’s road rage on Queens Blvd.”

Driving home later tonight, I saw once again, red light after red light, a whole row of them even after rush hour was long gone. Then I saw each of them turn that beautiful shade of bright green, one by one, like a row of Rockettes’ kicking up their legs.

So I BECAME grateful for the realization that red lights, on the road and IN LIFE, only mean that green lights be comin’, can I get a witness?

2. Came home from a workshop tonight only to get a call from Kevin saying I need to run home after parking the car because Ellis woke up crying inconsolably for Mommy.  I am prone to stay out after parking the car, sitting there, enjoying the still night, responding to emails, making it my mobile office.  This time I ran home.  Thanks for still needing me hward because you and brother growing up crazy fast.

3. I’m all about life-long learning. I love that when I want to grow in a certain area, God provides me with resources and says,”Here you go. Hollaback with what you learned.”

Tonight I attended a great workshop called “Nurturing Your Soul with Monastic Wisdom” about intentionally creating the space to hear God by examining our lives and noticing recurring themes and patterns at the end of the day, or a big review at the end of the year, so that we can better navigate our future.

It’s easier to just escape through social media and TV and other vices at night, especially after long, grueling days, but it was some real meaty and wise stuff that will help our family come up with a Rule of Life/family mission statement.

Psssh, this was not a “challenge” at all. Very easy.  (Poppin’ my gratitude collar)…