“Jesus Christ”

Posted on July 27, 2012 by ajummama

Had so many things to write down from our trip back home to LA but if they don’t get typed out right quick, hard to capture the essence of the memories. So many pictures still on our camera. Hope to write about them eventually but not holding my breath especially with my recent bout of drowsiness and lethargy. We in Third Trimester Territory now!

A big entry like “LA Trip” is too daunting to write up during a half-hour break but thankfully, venting/tattling flows freely from me like water.

Micah has been to LA three times now. First trip at 11 weeks old after the seven snowstorms in NYC made mama pack up the family and flee. Second trip at around 13.5 months old. Third trip was a few weeks ago at full-fledged toddler age of about 19 months old. Worst flight yet.

Early a.m. flight means he needs to nap while on the plane especially after we woke him up around 5 a.m. Hard to succumb to the much-needed nap due to sensory overload and no place to stretch out since he is still in our laps. We start paying for a seat once he turns two. We brought a bag full of distractions: snacks, toys, books, my phone, our tablet. We are all strapped in but we do not take off. For 90 minutes. Having to restrain him is brutal. He wants to walk up and down the aisles or at least have daddy take him around in his arms but he has to stay seated. We try to distract him with our bag of goodies but they aren’t too helpful. Kevin is exasperated trying to restrain him but I am so worried about getting lightheaded that I still manage to eat a boiled egg during this stressful time. (I am willing to share my bounty but Kevin is having too hard of a time to even think about eating. I eat his egg, too).

Even after we take off, it’s not pleasant. Micah is whining because…who knows why? He’s a toddler. I apologize to the passenger sitting next to me. “I’m sorry about this. It’s gonna be a long flight for all of us [nervous laughter]. It’s hard for us to hear, too.” She was from Brooklyn, young and hip. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m a nanny. I’m gonna sleep the whole way with my earplugs on.” Thank you Jesus. That brings a little relief during this whiny period. Speaking of Jesus…

There is a lovey dovey couple sitting in front of us. The dude is clearly whupped on the gal. They are kissing and smushed up against each other, nuzzling. Direct contrast from the harried, sweaty couple behind them – us. The “Fasten Your Seatbelts” sign keeps lighting up so we have to restrain Micah many times and he is protesting. I have a blanket around my neck, dry cereal all over my body, a few packets of snacks on and under my thighs, fake food toys under my butt. Kevin has crazy eyes under his glasses and whispers, “Ji-yah. It sounded like I was abusing him in the restroom. I’m so embarrassed. Micah screamed and peed all over me as I tried to change his diaper. I’m not gonna lie. If there was an eject button in there to jump out the plane with a parachute, I would not be here right now. I’m sorry to have to tell you.”

We both started laughing because Kevin sounded like me for once. He never complains but this time, he admitted that he would’ve abandoned us by choosing to fall from the sky instead of being where he was now. He started laughing some more when he saw just how much crap was strewn all over me.

“Que bin, I really can’t wait to do this next year with a newborn, too! Just imagine that for a moment.”

Oh, back to Jesus.

Micah started another round of whining as he wanted to nap but couldn’t get his bearings on this packed plane. The gal in front of us stops making out with her boyfriend to exhale dramatically and exclaim, “JESUS CHRIST!” when Micah got going again.

Oh no she didn’t. Did I hear right?

“JESUS CHRIST” again as she adjusted herself on her dude’s shoulders.

“Que bin, you KNOW I’mma have to fight her now!” My body grows hot.

“Ji-yah, don’t! She has every right to be annoyed. His whining is annoying, even to us.” He always play devil’s advocate. To offset my playing the devil.

“OH MY GOD. Of COURSE she has every right to be annoyed but she needs to be a decent, empathetic human and talk trash about us to her friends once we deplane, not passive-aggressively exclaim ‘Jesus Christ’ after each whine. That would be the courteous thing to do! We are doing everything we can and her ‘Jesus Christ’ is so wrong! As if we aren’t stressed enough!” (I start to passive-aggressively talk trash about her loudly, daring her to turn around and respond. Choice words about entitlement, not having enough balls to complain to our faces, and related matters.)

And speaking of my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. I never appreciated it when people used his name in substitution for a choice curse word. I would never do that to y’alls gods.

I thought about what would happen if I did tell her off especially in my agitated state. How the air marshall would have to get involved and how I may be banned from future flights. And I did want to return and present my newborn to my loved ones. So I held my tongue.

But when she went to the restroom, I was so tempted to tap her dude and say, “Psssst. Hey. You may think I’m just a crazy lady with a whiny toddler but one day you will recall my words. You may think you in love now with that skinny li’l gal but ohhhh trust me, someone who keeps loudly muttering ‘Jesus Christ’ about a whiny toddler lacks heart. NOT wifey material. You’re gonna want you a woman who maturely and patiently waits to vent until after the flight. I wish her many bad flights with triplet babies about ten years from now. But you. You can change your fate by letting her go.”

I smiled as I fantasized about being able to tell him that. Micah was in better spirits after a short cat nap on our laps. I took him back to the flight attendant area to explore and chat with them. I tattled on the “Jesus Christ” gal because tattling usually makes me feel better. They made him a balloon with their latex gloves. A beautiful mama of four kiddies, flying alone, joined us and presented Micah with a makeshift puppet she had made out of the vomit bag. Now that’s true wifey material.

Our flight back to NYC was just about perfect as it was in the afternoon. He was able to nap at the gate for about 90 minutes before we got on the plane. Many empty seats, too. No whining. No “Jesus Christ.”

John Quinones

Posted on July 18, 2012 by ajummama

As Micah and I strolled to the library this a.m. for our weekly summer storytime, I had to pause because rivers of sweat had deposited into my right eyeball and it stung. I was fidgeting with my eye, hoping we weren’t running late since I couldn’t walk any faster without overheating in today’s heat of 97 degrees, with a “feels like” of 107 degrees and humidity as high as 67%. Okay, I actually don’t know what the ranges are for humidity percentages but now I know that 67% is nasty.

A lady suddenly appeared by my side in a sports bra, running tank top, and spandex pants. At first, as soon as she started talking, I thought she would surely turn out to be one of those scammers who tell you an elaborate story about their car breaking down just blocks away and how they need exactly $13 to get home and that any amount would be helpful. However, she ended up asking, “Do you know a nearby park…

…for jogging?”

Again, I had had to pause because my sweat was pouring fast and furious just from STROLLING LEISURELY. I felt like John Quinones from ABC’s “What Would You Do?” was going to pop out to judge my reaction so I said, “Are you really trying to jog today!?” Surely Mr. Quinones and his camera crew would give me a pat on the back for at least trying to dissuade her. She smiled and said, “Yes.” I reluctantly told her about a park farther away and a reservoir a bit closer since she was on a mission, but added my two cents again: “I really don’t think it’s safe to jog in this heat but please be careful!” I would hope that Mr. Quinones would still gimme credit for trying to stop her.

I had so many questions for her but couldn’t jog after her to ask them.

After the walk to and from the library and an impromptu, quickie playdate before his nap where I got to replenish with some cranberry juice on the rocks, I am now forced to cancel our plans for the afternoon. As much as I want to meet up with our beloved playdates, it is seriously dangerous for us to trek back and forth again. Both summers before my babies arrived are proving to be extra brutal! Although this heat seems to be my muse for blogging – two posts this week!

p.s. Extra emphatic NYC-hating day as we officially lost Jeremy Lin to the Rockets today. Obbaaahhh! We will miss you!

Know Thyself

Posted on July 16, 2012 by ajummama

Fourth heat wave of the summer in NYC. Got lots of delicious rest this weekend thanks to the always helpful hubby and almost no commitments (no birthday parties). As I enter my third trimester, I’m feeling more lethargic perhaps due to my growing girth alone. This morning, I woke up wanting to take Micah out to a playground before his nap even though I knew we were in for a “scorchaaa.” I didn’t have time to eat a real breakfast because I wanted to head out as soon as M was done eating and honestly, I can’t eat when he’s awake because he will climb onto my lap or ask me to stop so we can play. The more we dillydallied, the harder it would be to actually get out into the world.

I strapped him into the stroller with some Goldfish and a couple books while I rush rush rushed – quick ponytail and sunscreen application, brush teef, grab his drink, bibs, wipes, extra diaper, my small yogurt drink (which I can’t drink in front of him because he will bogart) and emergency granola bar (which I can’t eat in front of him because he will attack it and sit there with his big innocent eyes ackin’ like he didn’t do nothin’ even with a very guilty chocolatey goatee). The longer he was strapped into stroller, the higher the chances were for the whining to start, especially as he kept dropping his books and wondering why I was taking so long. And it was already getting hotter so I had to make my exit before having to turn on the a/c again, only to turn it off a few minutes later (that whole cycle of not getting out the house – augh!).

I grabbed a green dress I used to wear all the time while dating Kevin. Used to wear it so regularly in the summers that he would call it my uniform. Very flowy and roomy so I tried to slip it on today during my morning rush. Not so flowy or roomy. It almost tore at my broadening rib cage but I kept it on because I knew I would end up a sweaty mess trying to take it off. One of those dresses that will tear some time during the day with any sudden movement. Not “may” tear but WILL tear, just a matter of when. But we had to go.

On our way to the park, it got hotter. Very little shade as we walked for blocks. I drank my small yogurt-on-the-go smoothie in one gulp and even ate my granola bar while I strolled. Got to the park and did our usual: some swing time, going up and down the apparatus with him, including this Indiana Jones type bridge that I’m finding harder to balance on. It’s getting hotter even with some spots of shade. Rivulets of sweat now rolling down my face, neck, and bressesses. I don’t feel too well. I am drinking my water consistently but not feeling stable at all. I grab him from a tunnel he’s enjoying and I strap him back into his stroller after only about 30 minutes. Relieved that he does not protest leaving the park. He says “bye” to the swing, slides, sprinklers, Chinese grandmas. He seems ready to nap too.

On the way back, I feel worse. A familiar feeling. I’ve passed out maybe around ten times in my life, due to period cramps, high altitude, low altitude, dehydration, and more. But I was never with my baby before so I start forcing myself to talk while strolling so that I don’t dare pass out. My knees feel wobbly. I start panting and forcing exaggerated breaths in and out like I’m in labor and M laughs, imitating me while babbling his fave words of the weekend, “Dadddyyyy, Dada, Dadddyyy, Ahppaaah, Dadadada?” Alright already, we know who you love! Talk about kicking a gal while she’s down. I just want to make it home.

Halleluyer, I am SO grateful to get home. I grab a banana for a quick “shot” of potassium and M just as immediately grabs it from me to play telephone before taking a tentative bite himself. I grab it back and take a few quick bites.

Lessons learned (I hope):
1) Be real. For other gals, a small yogurt drink and Kashi bar may suffice as breakfast but for you, that amounts to nothing. You need to at least have a banana, juice and big bowl of cereal because you know you will digest that sh*t in one block of strolling. Yes, what would really nourish is a bowl of meeyukgook and bahb with a fried egg and bahnchan to start the day off SOLID but no time to eat such a feast when M is standing there with his pleading, “UP!? up? Up?”

2) Know thyself: You are prone to passing out! So don’t think, “Oh, being pregnant does not mean I’m disabled. I can do my daily playground run even when NY1 keeps on talking about the Fourth Heat Wave of the Summer.” Stay in and even let him watch some tv! Maybe playground runs aren’t meant to be so daily any more.

Imagine if I had passed out! What would happen to M? I suppose the other mamas/nannies/grandparents would watch him while I came to? Or ’til the paramedics came? They would’ve said, “Wow, she must’ve fainted from high atop the apparatus because her dress is torn in half!”

Stay cool y’all!